Punggol.org Forum
October 18, 2017, 11:37:53 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: The server is now hosted with Singapore Host. They have partially sponsored the hosting. Thank you Singapore host.
 
   Home   Help Search Calendar Login Register  
Pages: [1] 2 3
  Print  
Author Topic: Just For LAUGHs... The Oceanus Way...  (Read 6983 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« on: July 03, 2008, 03:55:06 AM »

Kids Are Quick
____________ _________ _________ ______

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________ _________ _________ ______

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________ _________ _________ __ ____________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________ _________ _________ ____

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________ _________ _________ _________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________ _________ _________ ___

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
____________ _________ _________ ________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
____________ _________ _________ _____

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
____________ _________ _________ ____
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2008, 03:57:43 AM »

Giving Up Wine


I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well, I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2008, 04:02:58 AM »

Be Careful What you ask for

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico ..

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'

The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning.

If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said,

'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,

'Si,Senor. What do you expect? Sometimes the bull wins!'
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2009, 04:56:39 AM »

Here Goes...


A Chinese Named Annie Wan (Anyone)...


Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? ( anyone)

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan ( no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the
hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (every one) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

   
 Knock your head Knock your head Knock your head
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2009, 02:33:28 AM »

Quotes from people and their sense of humour in Marriage.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they
just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving
them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer...
is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go
to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and
the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day
he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You
can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #5 on: November 25, 2011, 11:48:32 PM »

Ah Huey was walking home one day and a Boy offered her a Choc Bar if she will to Bend over and touch her Toes...

She did and brought the Choc Bar Home... Happily telling her Mother how a simple task earned her a Choc Bar...

Her mother Exclaimed! "Dun do that, the Boy Cheated you! He wants to see your panty, Dun let him do that again"

The next day, the boy asked Ah Huey to do the same thing again with the same reward and she Complied with a BIG Smile...

She went home and her mother was so Furious that she did that again!

So Ah Huey said, "Dun worry mother, I was not cheated today, the boy did not get to see my Panty, cos I did not wear any today"
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
eUoNyM~ ๑۩۞۩๑
Punggol Emeritus
**********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 56506


« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2011, 09:00:49 AM »

 Laughing Laughing Laughing
Logged

Life is about choices..
Huggy
Punggol Emeritus
**********
Offline Offline

Posts: 47678



« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2011, 02:26:55 PM »

 Laughing Laughing
Logged

my friends here don't allow me to keep one of my 3 chio mei mei.. :cry:
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2012, 02:08:05 AM »

Golf and Public Restroom Similarities

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

9. Form a loose grip.

8. Keep your head down.

7. Avoid a quick backswing.

6. Stay out of the water.

5. Try not to hit anybody.

4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.

3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.

2. Be quiet while others are about to go.

1. Keep strokes to a minimum.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2012, 02:10:29 AM »

A lawyer, an economist, and a teacher were going to the bathroom. The lawyer gets done, washes his hands, and then proceeds to use almost the entire roll of paper towels to dry his hands. He says "I was taught to be thorough." The economist gets done, washes his hands, but uses only one paper towel. He says "I was taught to be environmentally friendly." The teacher gets done and leaves without washing his hands. He says "I was taught not to piss on my hands."

Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2012, 02:14:23 AM »

A boy went to his grandfather's house for a week. On the first night at dinner he found a thick, slimy goo on his plate, so he said to his grandfather "Grandpa is this plate clean?"
"As clean as cold water can get them." his grandfather answered. This went on for the rest of the week. On the last day when the boy was leaving the dog wouldn't let him through. So he said "Grandpa your dog won't let me through." His grandfather replied "Cold Water go lie down"


« Last Edit: February 15, 2012, 02:17:22 AM by mighty6 » Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2012, 02:16:54 AM »

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure. Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2012, 02:18:17 AM »

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2012, 02:20:24 AM »

There are four kinds of sex :
 
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
 
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
 
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
mighty6
Moderator
Punggol Guru
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 13478


Saving The World Starts From Home


« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2012, 12:56:26 PM »

Actually forgot:

Got OUTDOOR SEX too: When they have no money, were younger but no better place to make out...
Logged

Whatever You Do for or Against others, it shall be Done For or Against You, But MANY Times More.
Pages: [1] 2 3
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!